The Reluctant Father

I drove through hell the other day. My father passed away in May, of 2023 and we were just starting our drive home from my hometown, growing up. As we were on the thruway from my brother’s place heading south, we passed the exit that my wife and I had taken for over 25 years, when we’d come home to stay at my parents. Mom and Dad had since been dealing with the scourge of memory loss. Our home was sold, and they had separately moved into assisted and skilled care nursing facilities. But, home was still off of that exit to me. Until we drove by after Dad’s funeral. It felt way different, like hades.

The Bible says that hell is separation from God, our Father. There are other descriptions; like, “there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” and an “eternal lake of fire.” But, the essence of hell is that we are cut-off from our Father in heaven who has created all things, watched us give it all away to sin, then send His son to be sacrificed for us, because the Bible says that blood is shed to cover and now take away sin through Jesus, and finally He is Holy, and we shall be Holy if we are to “be” with God in eternity. Belief in Jesus helps make us holy. When you read the Bible, you will see these and other descriptions of this matter in the Word. I just realized the reality of this as I drove by the former exit to my home. Half of my home is now gone, and I am separated from my father here on earth, Dad. It was half of hell, although it felt more like all of it. My home was not the location or structure but, the people there, like believers are the church. My home was also leaving me along with my father. I was struck more profoundly, to the reality of what we have been taught our whole lives, of God - our loving father in heaven; in the death and loss of being able to be with my Dad. I had an emptiness, not wanting to be anywhere.

Dad, I recently found out, was a reluctant father. Mom mentioned before she began to struggle with her memory, that dad was not “built” to be a father. His personality is not designed for kids, let alone six. (I come from a Catholic background. There’s a joke there if you know your denominations’ regulations.) I’ll admit Dad was a bit unique. There was “blue week,” and “brown week.” Certain colored clothing fit into this system and must be procured equally so as to have equality or a balance in the closet, when selecting outfits. In addition, the clothes, and hangers were marked, “1,” “2,” or, “3,” as there are “work clothes,” “knockin’ around clothes,” and “good clothes.” This was just his wardrobe. Systems, to make things simpler were all over our lives growing up, so as you can see having kids which inevitably messed up the systems, was not how my Dad saw or expected life to be. But, he was Catholic. He had kids. We often messed with his systems. Which made life hard for all of us. But, looking back, not too hard.

In reading the Word, I see our Father in heaven in my Dad. He has rules, or systems, not to hurt or stifle us but to give us life, and to keep us safe. My Father(s) don’t want us to get hurt or hurt Him. But we all sin and break the rules. And, we get, and, give hurt. The Bible says that we all do this in Romans. How many of us can say we didn’t have a rebellious phase? None. Because he knew this would be, God has told us about blessings and curses, heaven and hell, how we get there and how we don’t, we can choose. My Dad told us to “have religion” in our lives, and to choose the straight and narrow path. I have recently been amazed that my earthly father who lost his Dad two weeks before he was married at the age of 27, was able to raise six children who all are pretty good kids. No significant run-ins with the law and everyone is independent and employed. All without his Dad to go to for advice, or just a talk. Although I’m sure he and my mom prayed for us. He made a promise to my mother that he would go to church one extra day during the week when they were married. I remember him going on Wednesday mornings on his way to work. He must have prayed for us there? At least once. Although I didn’t always see the faith of my Dad, because we all tend to focus on the blemishes, I missed his spiritual side growing up, regretfully. Thankfully, we can remember. It says “remember” a lot in the Bible. Remember what our Father has done for us. My wife and I have been blessed to be around 60 years of age and until May, had all four of our parents. Each representing Our Father in heaven as I mentioned, or the Church, in our Mom(s). She cares for us in ways different from our Dad. Like the church should care for all who are in need; lovingly and unconditionally. Mom did and does that, and Dad is blessed to have her - which he would readily admit. I say that in the present tense because I believe my Dad is with our Father, agreeing.

I wonder if God was reluctant when He chose to have Noah go through the flood, or when He told Moses He was going to rid Himself of the unbelieving Hebrews, when He gave them His rules. I remember, growing up I thought going through hell was when I was being punished, when I broke one. Whether it was soap in my mouth because I said a “bad” word or, a spanking because of something I was involved with, it was a perceived bit of hell. Well, I didn’t follow His rules. I wondered and will always remember the words my Dad said each time though, “this hurts me more than it does you.” I imagine that is how God feels, when we experience a drive through hell. I also imagine that he is praying to Himself for us to choose to believe in, and be with Him. Home forever.